500 things we learned from the Bonzos

[piggybank]

388. Mrs Slater's husband likes being a husband.
389. It sounds painful to play the cello on the electric shirt collar.
390. It takes three weeks to clean a shirt... even more if certain conditions apply.
391. "No, but I have a dark brown overcoat" might not necessarily be the right answer to "Have you got a light, mac?"
392. You get it wrong if you fall down in the beer tent unashamedly drunk.
393. If you don't get extra time on the Craig Torso Show don't worry... you'll be ok as long as you keeeeeep swinging!
394. Kicking a bully can have an element of fun.
395. A camel shows sympathy by licking your hand.

[soundcatcher]

hello guys just found the site.
396 they had a gig most every night
397you can wear the same shirt more than once
398you can have egg bacon and a slice.

great work made me laugh

[graytart]

piggybank said:

389. It sounds painful to play the cello on the electric shirt collar.

Actually I think he is saying "play a solo on the electric shirt collar"...

Welcome soundcatcher!

[soundcatcher]

399 people thought the bonzo's singer was "bent" all wrong of course

[soundcatcher]

400 it would seem the bonzo's had a love of hot vindaloo especially in Aberdeen and Crewe

[piggybank]

You know what graytart, you may be right! Although playing the cello in the electric shirt collar sounds more appealing to me...

Have we covered the electric flowerpot solo yet?

And thanks to soundcatcher for contributing to this while I was away

[soundcatcher]

401 cabbage seeds it would appear should be planted in April

[graytart]

402. It can make you mad if someone forces you to get a tattoo.

I think you are safe on the flowerpots... glad to see so many refs to the new stuff!

[piggybank]

Sugar, I've already done it!

369. The polyphonic flower pot solo and the patio glide are parts of the competition.

But hopefully I'll come up with some more... soon!

[soundcatcher]

403 it is foolish to vote for our leaders----they are just no good

[graytart]

Over 400 - time for a recap - piggy, can you help me look for duplicates?

500 things we learned from the Bonzos - the first 400!

1. The Urban Spaceman doesn’t exist.
2. The hotel reception area needs better staffing, an improved heating system, an air freshener and above all an interior decorator.
3. It’s a lovely day.
4. People don’t really want to talk about Keynsham.
5. Beautiful Zelda may have broken all the super hearts of all the super heroes of the galaxy, but she clearly has a thing for a certain Earth boy.
6. Fish-face has got the power!
7. Britannia is cool.
8. No matter who you vote for, the government always gets in.
9. Bullfight posters recall happy memories.
10. He’s got a head on him like a rabbit!
11. "What the Butler Saw" was a bit of a drag.
12. Parrots CAN pick up peanuts with their toes.
13. It's beautiful to be so far ahead.
14. Ronnie the raincoat has never seen his wife in the nude, but instead devotes his time to hanging out in a bookstore.
15. Camembert cheese makes cannibal chiefs cheeky.
16. There's an equestrian statue coming.
17. And look out! there's a monster coming too!
18. Lilian Gish has her own sound.
19. Shirts. Where is it?
20. You can be too old for train sets and too young to shave.
21. You should be using Nu Style Porridge, wonderful in jars or tubes ... 17/11
22. My Pink Half Of The Drain Pipe keeps me safe from YOU.
23. The Equestrian Statue will bring us Joy.
24. Some people say it flowers, some with noise, but you don't get many trying to say it with humanoids.
25. It's hell to walk for hours and hours with sand between your toes.
26. Pigs all grunt, dogs bow-wow.
27. Keynsham is spelt K-E-Y-N-S-H-A-M.
28. I've got a sister in Toronto.
29. My sister in Toronto is a nurse.
30. Normal people dig Bert Weedon.
31. Tigers have no need to wet their appetites.
32. Camels smile by pointing their tails backward.
33. It's very revolutionary to not have washed in weeks.
34. Someone's gonna make you pay your fare.
35. There are things that must be done that are not yet begun.
36. Tubing, a funnel and a trumpet mouthpiece can be devised into a musical instrument.
37. We're not at home outside a pub, are we?
38. I'm bored.
39. Camels don't go to heaven.
40. Bringing your girl progressively more impressive fruit will gain you additional liberties.
41. There's a picture of my cousin with a hankie on his head.
42. If you're normal I shall be a freak for the rest of my life.
43. It's an odd boy who doesn't like (s)port.
44. I'm gonna get you in my tent-tent-tent-tent-tent.
45. We were wrong (about the tent bit, probably).
46. You done my brain in.
47. I do what I do, every day.
48. I'm going to rhino over your lino.
49. Tubas in the moonlight will bring my loved one home.
50. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
51. The depraved save money.
52. I should die if I should lose you now.
53. There once was a very famous man.
54. If your armpits smell, your breath is bad and you look like hell, you'll feel so sad.
55. Lord Snooty's giant electric head is poisoned.
56. Lord Snooty and his pals can tap dance.
57. Steven still has headaches and feels a bit snotty.
58. The Head Ballet is the only ballet that Steven Hawking could do.
59. Tubas are a good instrument to play at night.
60. Apparently position 31 is a lot of fun.
61. It's nice if your tomato plants win a prize.
62. If you are a sweet dessert, watch out for spoons!
63. If you're just married, it sticks out for a mile.
64. Poor Rosemary has her hands full at Rawlinson End.
65. If fate plays the straight man you never have to look back.
66. No! This is not manly!
67. The sea is cold but it's good for chilblains.
68. You can't go into the bar looking like that.
69. Sometimes you just can't win.
70. Princess Anne plays sousaphone.
71. It'll cost you 75 quid to put right a new scratch on the piano.
72. Sandra... smells.
73. We ARE normal and we want our freedom.
74. You can get to Spain by train.
75. The manager makes the rules.
76. If the cat is ill you must have him put down.
77. Incessant quotations from "Now We Are Six" can baffle people.
78. Cabbages and rhinoceroses can baffle people.
79. All an artiste need do to be paid off immediately is to mention football.
80. Rodney’s got a new attachment on his drill.
81. The Trouser press is better than the prefabricated concrete coal bunker... MUCH better.
82. The autograph wasn’t for himself, lads, it was for ’is daughter.
83. Stay close to the stove because your rice pudding could get burned!
84. Position 72 sounds pretty complicated.
85. Position 31 is terrific fun.
86. Once a month on a Friday there's a man with mop and bucket in his hand.
87. A four stone apology can become two separate gorillas.
88. One can look so sinister in a corset.
89. If there is poultry scare, sail for Australia.
90. It's not normal to be runnin' around in your underpants.
91. You can just see the sea from room 23.
92. If you get bored with Bingo you can go for a swim.
93. Beautiful Zelda is from galaxy four
94. Batchelor Johnny Cools job is Big shot
95. You can be so normal, that you become a freak of nature
96. Position 72 is inter changeable
97. When you're on a spree, keep away from bootleg hooch.
98. Words are words but truth is what we trust.
99. One Bonzo drank Coke instead of lager.
100. It's life, not books, that taught Rodney all he’s learned.
101. Sometimes the pattern is more obvious.
102. New boy Dennis Cowan is incredibly lazy.
103. Zebra Kid and Horace Batchelor make a great team on percussion.
104. The joke shop man wraps up his gags in paper bags.
105. Inter-galaxy romances can end badly.
106. If you have a thing about wasps, wear bicycle clips while mowing the lawn.
107. Wrestling poodles is difficult and to win you'll need the help of Mr. Apollo.
108. Tigers never say grace and have no table manners.
109. The girl who runs the Greenshield library is getting married.
110. Britons will always be hip.
111. What everyone wants is lots of LSD.
112. Some things are for a psychiatrist to determine, aren't they?
113. If people frown at your hair as you ride into town, wave to them.
114. Tigers are beastly.
115. Tigers bite.
116. Tigers scratch.
117. Tigers make an awful fuss.
118. Hunting tigers can be ripping fun.
119. NOBODY likes soul music.
120. Deluxe Mersey Beat wigs are hard to buy in the correct size.
121. Watermelons are the thing to give to your girl.
122. You wait in all night and day for wardrobes.
123. To lose weight, cut off your left leg.
124. As a lover second to none, it's a lot of fun.
125. If you call a cab and leave your drab East Side room, you could wind up dead.
126. In pyjamas, Johnny Cool carries nothing but scars from Normandy Beach.
127. Infrared hot dogs burn out their energy cells.
128. All the little birds go tweet, tweet, tweet.
129. The lambs all bleat and shake their feet.
130. Everyone says "How do you do?"
131. Everything’s a perfect treat down on Jollity Farm.
132. Tell them Boris sent you, then you can Mash.
133. Just give booze a chance.
134. Craig Torso is wonderful.
135. Alley Oop lived a long time ago.
136. A leg can be a musical instrument.
137. Dogs can't tell the difference between postmen and policemen when they take their hats off.
138. Don't spend too much time with dogs or you'll turn into one.
139. Alcoholism is an option if you win lots of money.
140. Flowers can overhear people on a summer walk, even if they are talking quietly.
141. A healthy body makes a healthy mind.
142. Your mother in law can be made happy with tinted photographs of your wedding day.
143. The Crypt Kicker Five are a vocal group.
144. Everything's cool now, because Dracula has joined.
145. The vampires feast in the master bedroom.
146. The zombies are having fun.
147. Then, regular as habit, the biscuits begin to crow.
148. Viv was singing for us covered in sequins.
149. "Legs" Larry Smith is still pretty wonderful.
150. Roger plays the note at the end.
151. Guests for breakfast are a great idea…
152. (You can have) a breast for gueakfast if you prefer.
153. If you're going to keep brains in jars you must water them every day
154. General de Gaulle played accordion.
155. The fuzz know how to deal with aging Teds.
156. Mr. Apollo is the greatest benefactor of mankind.
157. The char char char char charts are voted by the people eople eople eople eople of the record-buying publicoid.
158. Words are words.
159. Words escape like turds.
160. Ronnie the Raincoat hangs out in a book store.
161. Truth is what we trust.
162. Little old ladies stop.
163. Don't let the powers that be disturb-i-ya.
164. The Humanoid Boogie did well in the char char char char charts.
165. Men have dreams of a finer place. Women too.
166. Bonzo the Dog was created by George E. Studdy
167. Bonzo the Dog first appeared in the early 1920s.
168. Despite being English, Bonzo the Dog went on to great success on both sides of the pond.
169. Bonzo the Dog drank to excess and was fond of cocaine.
170. Bonzo the Dog letched after beautiful women, not dogs.
171. The band have had a long, troubled relationship with the Bonzo the Dog copyright owners and still aren't officially allowed to use his image.
172. There is more Bonzo the Dog tat than you could possibly imagine.
173. A trouser press can be a musical instrument.
174. Sir Kenneth Clark played bass sax.
175. When you're tough, you're very fit.
176. Mad Dan Sugar Man and Henrietta Holocaust are au courant with the humanoid scene.
177. Women anticipating marriage can dream of cheap land, children, and his-and-hers towels.
178. Modern Poove of Carnaby Street is your one-stop shop for springboards, Malcolm Roberts’ latest records, joss sticks and tie-dyed ponchos (I learned this from Viv rather than from the Bonzos proper but still worth a mention, I think).
179. If you rejuvenate your energy cells, your virility will be restored.
180. Wear your flannel underwear when you climb trees.
181. You can have a drink in your dressing rooms, but you can't come int’ club looking like that.
182. One’s bag can be burst simply by huffing and puffing.
183. If no one is drownded, you can go for a swim.
184. Despite a recent operation, Dan Druff could play the harp.
185. Inexpensive irons may never need repair, even if you use them every day.
186. The old buck rabbit sings “stuff it up your jumper!”
187. Giraffes smell really good.
188. Incredible Shrinking Man can play euphonium.
189. Some people apparently want to hear tubas playing for them all night…
190. Tourniquets are beautiful.
191. Brainiac can play the banjo.
192. If you answer the door expecting a turbaned ruffian, you may find a very nice young man.
193. You take first right and second left.
194. John Wayne can play the xylophone
195. Put off thought really, ‘ere, doesn't it?
196. If you stick fur to your head, you’ll look freaky.
197. Val Doonican is himself.
198. If you bring your girl good china, she’ll hang it from the shelf.
199. The wardrobe of your soul has a section labeled “Shirts”.
200. Rhino houses stink.
201. The mode of travel from Galaxy Four to Earth is the fourth dimensional space warp.
202. Johnny Morris entertained and educated generations of children and their parents through the BBC children's series Animal Magic (1962-83)…but he never had on his show the parrot belonging to Rodney Slater, the Führer of North London.
203. There are hot dogs on sale in t' foyer.
204. Thank Mr. Moon for the memories that still linger.
205. A lot of it’s rubbish, you know.
206. Come back with me to my tent and I'll get ya!!!!
207. Britons shall be hip forever.
208. Big fat Bubbs is full of rhythm.
209. You can tell the time by the rain running down your face!!!
210. Shirt events are hosted at the Earls Curt Olympia.
211. Long shirts are old-fashioned.
212. If you’d like to make a hit record you have to bring some old records with you to melt down.
213. If you are widowed, make sure you get out more.
214. Neil weighs eleven stone
215. You’re got to be with it.
216. Some people dig the good life.
217. Some ruffians wear turbans.
218. Teddy boys don’t knit.
219. Double amputees have ambitions of being doctors or architects.
220. Sport turns out jolly good sorts....unless you’re a little strange!!!
221. I’m all for the short shirt.
222. You have to put back what you take.
223. If you trim your enormous hedge into a human leg, your neighbour might think you’ve gone too far.
224. Roger’s wah-wah rabbits eat endive.
225. If you trim your bushy waste-length hair into a model of the Queen Elizabeth, you can go sailing.
226. Suspicion can torment your heart.
227. Julie Andrews films are boring.
228. Changling children shiver.
229. Endive can be very cheap at certain times of the year.
230. You can kiss someone without loving them.
231. It gets windy at the Brighton race courses.
232. Horses are frightened by skirts blown by the wind.
233. Storks bring babies.
234. If you're going undercover don't do a good job; you could be arrested.
235. Jack the ripper can steal entire choirs.
236. The phrase "RAW MEAT!!!!" can be used as an exclamation!!
237. 59 minute cleaners, is just the name of the shop....
238. It is entirely possible for dwarves on mopeds to slyly ride home.
239. Men can be arrested for putting things on display.
240. Flowers leave no footsteps.
241. Cleaning oil off the seagulls is enough to put you off Bournemouth for life.
242. I’ve got plenty of shirts at home.
243. You can take a punt to the May Ball in Oxford.
244. When the preacher thinks of a christening, his eyes glisten.
245. Kangaroos can be enchanting.
246. In all kinds of weather, rhino together.
247. The Mayor and Corporation can declare jubilation.
248. To get rid of Vivian, one simply needed to give him a vulgar sign.
249. Benjamin Bland and his bugle band blow the blues bi-weekly.
250. Hypocrites are weak-willed.
251. Sex is a drag in a bore-dy house.
252. Give your friends plastic ears and exploding hand-rolled cigarettes as a joke.
253. Paris is sadly gay.
254. Shirts are still necessary.
255. On public holidays, they ring the bells in the steeple.
256. You can have a good cough after you stick a clean shirt on.
257. It doesn't matter if you don't know what you do, as long as you do it everyday.
258. I'd spare my time if I had any to myself.
259. If you are bored, try singing a round.
260. That guy could really sing.
261. No one else will do.
262. One-eyed, half-breed amputees can be really vindictive.
263. Life is not so hard when they stamp your card.
264. It can hurt to hear the name “Frying Pan.”
265. A man’s not dressed unless he’s got a nice shirt on.
266. Seabirds fly above sailors.
267. Not everyone likes Julie Andrews films.
268. My brother makes the noises for the talkies
269. Edelweiss is a tiresome tune.
270. If you are terribly alone and forgotten in Manhattan, go back to your city by the bay.
271. Waterloo Station is a good place to meet a blind date.
272. After spending an hour in the bathroom, you can look your best.
273. Johnny’s wife is credulous as hell.
274. Down south of Santa Fe there is a one-horse town.
275. The stars that shine above will light your way to love.
276. When you sass a traffic cop, use diplomacy.
277. Steady nine-to-five jobs can be very boring.
278. Keep the spoon out of your cup when you're drinking tea.
279. Go for a walk after a liquid lunch.
280. Fishes swim below sailors.
281. Beware of frozen ponds
282. You can buy machines for mummies.
283. Camels follow you everywhere.
284. If you are bored, just poke out your big red tongue.
285. A kiss can be a fur-tongued horror.
286. Women wearing certain outfits can get rolled at night.
287. You have the same trouble with your trousers as I do.
288. Don't sit on hornets' tails.
289. Craig Torso also *smells* wonderful.
290. Uttering parting gestures to binoculars and mackintoshes makes you feel great!!!!
291. Nice one!
292. I don’t remember too good.
293. We hope you are enjoying the show.
294. General de Gaulle is wild on the accordion.
295. You must provide proof of your good intentions in triplicate by Monday morning.
296. At night when you're asleep, into your tent a sheik will creep.
297. Watch out for the loose floorboard.
298. Zombies love to have fun.
299. If you want a jolt get an electrode.
300. Don't pull up roots or you will be arrested by the parks department.
301. Alley Oop rides thru the jungle tearin' limbs offa trees.
302. Young people love trousers.
303. Tarzan Stripes is quite regular.
304. Rodney Slater's parrots were named Pearl and Teddy.
305. Neil used to weigh 11 stone.
306. Neil's mother bred Irish wolfhounds.
307. Larry was dying for a drink.
308. Roger checked Justin's fever with tremendous force.
309. Vivian's painting "Shavian Tracks" had a mongoose and a rhinoceros.
310. Rodney hopes to be breeding warthogs.
311. It is possible to wrestle poodles and win.
312. Nobody likes a fitness program with tiresome exercise.
313. Same goes for tricks and unpleasant bending
314. You can tease people and throw them aside as though they were matchsticks if you have the physique of two separate gorillas.
315. The first step into changing your personality is buying a deluxe merseybeat wig.
316. Built-up shoes are undetectable in everyday use.
317. Monsters can rise from slabs and do the monster mash.
318. Hotsie has the hottest lips since Hiroshima.
319. Yoko's "lecolds" always end up on B side.
320. Your girlfriend likes you to rhino over her lino.
321. You've got the rabbit's permission to stuff something up your jumper!
322. Blue men can sing the whites!
323. Mabel could be able to come out today - all you've got to do is ask her!
324. Foul Air smells good, but not as good as Craig Torso.
325. Johnny Cool likes Hotsie to be far ahead; it's beautiful.
326. Its easy to confuse Elks, Moose and Wildebeests
327. Wire people are always grumpy
328. Normal people are free because they are normal
329. Wire people are afraid of Uri Geller.
330. Basset hounds have big long ears, little short legs and w*llies that nearly touch the ground!
331. You'll have a wonderful time if you go to Mary's house.
332. The moose nibbling Proust in the library might be French.
333. Don't let your trousers unsupervised when a wilderbeast is around.
334. People who shout on mobile phones in the quiet carriage are complete tw*ts.
335. There's nothing one can't do for the benefit of mankind.
336. Mabel will be alone with whoever she wants if she ditches her chaperone.
337. Beautiful Zelda likes to try her jive on poor earth boys
338. A man with a thousand Gs is Hotsie's type.
339. Johnny Cool is an L man.
340. You have to serve Salmon Proust with a modicum of smugness.
341. Mornington Crescent is hard to understand.
342. The cow goes moo, the bull does too.
343. If you shake your shirt all over the place, it'll go right back to your face.
344. Igor is the one who waters the brains.
345. The urban spaceman is a lover second to none.
346. If you have your homework to do, it's impossible to be in a riot.
347. You can beat the bullies till they cry "Oh crikey, let go you rotter, don't punish me".
348. A good garnish for salmon is lemon, parsley and cucumber.
349. You can't make Salmon Proust without alphabetti spaghetti.
350. Hawkeye the Gnu is Sir Rodney's pet wildebeast.
351. When people in the 60s turned the album over, they had the free time to perhaps brew a cup of tea, enjoy a snack or indeed skin up a doobie!
352. You have to reshape your nose if you're going to wear Carnaby clothes.
353. If you get busted, your mother will be disgusted.
354. You may go to heaven if you steal a camel from the zoo.
355. The way to do it is to trouser it to me! (wouldn't be a Trouser Freak without this now, would I?)
356. The poodle stabbers are about to arrive.
357. Mr Echo can tell you're a nice person by your breath.
358. The Equestrian Statue is in Liverpool.
359. For centuries, lovely Japanese girls have been trained in the art of pleasing men.
360. Mr Cupid still remains a mystery for some...
361. The worst pun of the century must be 'Hawkeye the Gnu'
362. After all these years Donald still hasn't found his trousers.
363. I prefer Glyndebourne.
364. CD's only have one side.
365. The solution for when you're feeling peckish or when you're on the run is always to have a biscuitadoodle Tato with you!
366. Adolph Hitler is nice on vibes
367. It's easy to switch on Neil's theatrical smile.
368. Girls can display a "Do Not Disturb" sign with their eyes.
369. The polyphonic flower pot solo and the patio glide are parts of the competition.
370. A washboard can be used as a musical instrument.
371. It takes five years to turn from a four stone apology into two separate gorillas.
372. It takes ten years of your life to turn puny flab into living muscle.
373. Little old ladies feel gay when they see the Equestrian Statue.
374. I must do certain things if I want to be with you...
375. You can always bring a rope to your girl to hang herself at the end of it...
376. We can both experiment in a tent!
377. No matter how awfully in love you are, you can still get it wrong if you're so young...
378. It took all day cleaning oil off the seagulls!
379. Bonzos gave booze a chance at the happy atmosphere of an Irish pub.
380. There is a machine for a mummy!
381. Shirts is a groovy hotel.
382. Willesden Green is chilly at this time of the year.
383. The glory that was Rome is of another day...
384. is a continuation of 302: ...but not soul music!
385. Johnny Hork and the Pavement Oysters appeared on the Craig Torso show.
386. Whatever Mrs. Nora Slater’s husband does, he’s doing it now!
387. The Bob Bent Experience can't play any higher.
388. Mrs Slater's husband likes being a husband.
389. It sounds painful to play the solo on the electric shirt collar.
390. It takes three weeks to clean a shirt... even more if certain conditions apply.
391. "No, but I have a dark brown overcoat" might not necessarily be the right answer to "Have you got a light, mac?"
392. You get it wrong if you fall down in the beer tent unashamedly drunk.
393. If you don't get extra time on the Craig Torso Show don't worry... you'll be ok as long as you keeeeeep swinging!
394. Kicking a bully can have an element of fun.
395. A camel shows sympathy by licking your hand.
396. They had a gig most every night
397. You can wear the same shirt more than once
398. You can have egg bacon and a slice.
399. People thought the Bonzos's singer was "bent" all wrong of course
400. It would seem the Bonzos had a love of hot vindaloo, especially in Aberdeen and Crewe.

[graytart]

404. If you don’t get out more you’ll wind up looking like a dog.
405. People may say that it will never do.

[soundcatcher]

Not sure if this counts, but i'd like to claim 406----what i've learned from the Bonzo's if you are a fan YOU NEVER HAVE TO GROW UP.

[graytart]

Soundcatcher, that not only counts but it may be the ultimate thing we have learned from the Bonzos!

[soundcatcher]

407 best to keep away from bootleg hooch
408 If you have a cold , you may have a headache and feel a bit "snotty"
409 On someones doorstep be aware of fingers and garden gates( health and safety notice)