500 things we learned from the Bonzos

[graytart]

This must be American software - it put an asterisk in the word "f a g s" in #252!

[graytart]

304. Rodney Slater's parrots were named Pearl and Teddy.
305. Neil used to weigh 11 stone.
306. Neil's mother bred Irish wolfhounds.
307. Larry was dying for a drink.
308. Roger checked Justin's fever with tremendous force.
309. Vivian's painting "Shavian Tracks" had a mongoose and a rhinoceros.
310. Rodney hopes to be breeding warthogs.

[piggybank]

311. It is possible to wrestle poodles and win.
312. Nobody likes a fitness program with tiresome exercise.
313. Same goes for tricks and unpleasant bending
314. You can tease people and throw them aside as though they were matchsticks if you have the physique of two separate gorillas.
315. The first step into changing your personality is buying a deluxe merseybeat wig.
316. Built-up shoes are undetectable in everyday use.
317. Monsters can rise from slabs and do the monster mash.
318. Hotsie has the hottest lips since Hiroshima.
319. Yoko's "lecolds" always end up on B side.
320. Your girlfriend likes you to rhino over her lino.

May come up with a few more, so watch this space! Still, I've got a long way to go to reach graytart

[piggybank]

Oh, and before I forget:

321. You've got the rabbit's permission to stuff something up your jumper!
322. Blue men can sing the whites!
323. Mabel could be able to come out today - all you've got to do is ask her!
324. Foul Air smells good, but not as good as Craig Torso.
325. Johnny Cool likes Hotsie to be far ahead; it's beautiful.

[graytart]

Woo-hoo! Fresh blood! You go, girl!

[Beautiful Zelda]

326. Its easy to confuse Elks, Mooses and Wildebeests
327. Wire people are always grumpy
328. Normal people are free because they are normal

[graytart]

I *have* to be the one to get this in:

329. Wire people are afraid of Uri Geller.

[piggybank]

And I *have* to get this in:

330. Basset hounds have big long ears, little short legs and w*llies that nearly touch the ground!

Moreover:

331. You'll have a wonderful time if you go to Mary's house.
332. The moose nibbling Proust in the library might be French.
333. Don't let your trousers unsupervised when a wilderbeast is around.
334. People who shout on mobile phones in the quiet carriage are complete tw*ts.
335. There's nothing one can't do for the benefit of mankind.
336. Mabel will be alone with whoever she wants if she ditches her chaperone.
337. Beautiful Zelda likes to try her jive on poor earth boys (sorry Zelda!
338. A man with a thousand Gs is Hotsie's type.
339. Johnny Cool is an L man.
340. You have to serve Salmon Proust with a modicum of smugness.
341. Mornington Crescent is hard to understand.
342. The cow goes moo, the bull does too.
343. If you shake your shirt all over the place, it'll go right back to your face.
344. Igor is the one who waters the brains.
345. The urban spaceman is a lover second to none.
346. If you have your homework to do, it's impossible to be in a riot.
347. You can beat the bullies till they cry "Oh crikey, let go you rotter, don't punish me".
348. A good garnish for salmon is lemon, parsley and cucumber.
349. You can't make Salmon Proust without alphabetti spaghetti.
350. Hawkeye the Gnu is Sir Rodney's pet wilderbeast.

Sorry if some of the old stuff might be duplicate; I was writing them while they came into my mind and didn't have the time to crosscheck!

More to come once I've fed myself and watered my brains

[piggybank]

And I'm back!

351. When people in the 60s turned the album over, they had the free time to perhaps brew a cup of tea, enjoy a snack or indeed skin up a doobie!
352. You have to reshape your nose if you're going to wear Carnaby clothes.
353. If you get busted, your mother will be disgusted.
354. You may go to heaven if you steal a camel from the zoo.
355. The way to do it is to trouser it to me! (wouldn't be a Trouser Freak without this now, would I?)
356. The poodle stabbers are about to arrive.
357. Mr Echo can tell you're a nice person by your breath.
358. The Equestrian Statue is in Liverpool.
359. For centuries, lovely Japanese girls have been trained in the art of pleasing men.
360. Mr Cupid still remains a mystery for some...

[moosehead]

361. The worst pun of the century must be 'Hawkeye the Gnu'
362. After all these years Donald still hasn't found his trousers.
363. I prefer Glyndebourne.
364. CD's only have one side.

And one other thing I've learnt recently:
I really, really, really want to make the title sequence for for that wonderful 80's kids' show, The Wire People. Keep your eyes peeled sometime around next Xmas. Episode 11: Dada Dog Goes Gaga

[graytart]

Neil does know a thing or two about writing music for kids' TV, doesn't he!

[graytart]

RE 341. Mornington Crescent is hard to understand: (Really!)

[piggybank]

Well, the exact lyric is "You're harder to understand than Mornington Crescent". Considering that Mornington Cresent station is within walking distance from both Camden Town and Euston stations, it's hard to understand why it exists really...

Oh well, here are some more I thought of:

365. The solution for when you're feeling peckish or when you're on the run is always to have a biscuitadoodle Tato with you!
366. Adolph Hitler is nice on vibes
367. It's easy to switch on Neil's theatrical smile.
368. Girls can display a "Do Not Disturb" sign with their eyes.
369. The polyphonic flower pot solo and the patio glide are parts of the competition.
370. A washboard can be used as a musical instrument.

Oops, I'm running out of steam now... but you never know, I may think of some more!

[piggybank]

Crosschecking this, I came with some more ideas. Here they are:

371. It takes five years to turn from a four stone apology into two separate gorillas.
372. It takes ten years of your life to turn puny flab into living muscle.
373. Little old ladies feel gay when they see the Equestrian Statue.
374. I must do certain things if I want to be with you...
375. You can always bring a rope to your girl to hang herself at the end of it...
376. We can both experiment in a tent!
377. No matter how awfully in love you are, you can still get it wrong if you're so young...
378. It took all day cleaning oil off the seagulls!
379. Bonzos gave booze a chance at the happy atmosphere of an Irish pub.
380. There is a machine for a mummy!
381. Shirts is a groovy hotel.
382. Willesden Green is chilly at this time of the year.
383. The glory that was Rome is of another day...
384. is a continuation of 302: ...but not soul music!

I made sure I'm not repeating previous stuff this time... come on people, give us a hand, we're almost over!

[graytart]

385. Johnny Hork and the Pavement Oysters appeared on the Craig Torso show.
386. Whatever Mrs. Nora Slater’s husband does, he’s doing it now!
387. The Bob Bent Experience can't play any higher.